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I miss you….

It was soo hard the first time. It was like I was in a dark tunnel and I just couldn’t find the end. The further I went into the tunnel the smaller it became until I struggled to breathe. By the time I realised that I was suffocating it was too late, I couldn’t get out. I had to carry on going forward even though every step i got more weighed down. It took me so dam long to get out of it the first time. It took every part of me to get through it the first time, it took every strength of me, mentally and physically and i swore that I would never go back. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t.

But now, I have everything. I have my friends, and most importantly I have my wonderful fiance who i wouldn’t give up for the world. I have everything. I’m happy…

I should be happy. Then why can I feel myself drowning again??? why can I feel myself going back into the the depression??? I can’t do this!!! Not again!!!

Help, I can’t do this again. I don’t know what to do. I’m just turning, once again into the drowning angel xxxx